Stop Convincing. Start Partnering
If you’re trying to win the argument, you’ve already lost the partnership.
In the past few weeks, I’ve spoken with several L&D leaders who are struggling to step into their role as strategic business partners. They can see what’s possible, but progress feels out of reach. Two questions keep coming up in those conversations:
How do I convince senior leaders to invest in L&D? No matter what I say, my requests fall flat.
What can I ask to get stakeholders to stop ordering training and start talking about business goals? They won’t share beyond training details.
I understand the frustration. I hear the passion in your voices. You love this work, and you see its potential to drive real impact. But here’s the hard truth: These are the wrong questions.
The Problem with Our Lens
Both of these questions reveal that we’re viewing the work through an L&D lens. Through our lens. We assume that if we just phrase things differently, leaders and stakeholders will see things our way. That assumption is flawed.
Our job isn’t to convince. It’s not about finding magic words that finally get stakeholders to cooperate.
This work isn’t about us.
When my daughter was a teenager, I remember her obsessing over what she would wear to school each day to the smallest detail. My favorite phrase in response, "Everyone at school is more concerned with themselves than they are with you." In other words, they are obsessing over their own attire, not yours.
Our stakeholders aren't concerned with L&D, and they shouldn't be. They are much more worried about the pressures and challenges sitting on their overflowing plates. Yet, we are acting like if we perfect the details of our own outfit... er... our own work, then they will listen.
This work isn't about saying the right words, it's about showing up with an understanding of our stakeholders' world and committing to solving problems alongside them. It's not an us vs. them scenario. We are on the same team and that team is committed to business improvement, removing barriers, and contributing to meeting the largest business goals.
Empathy > Arguments
Instead of asking why the senior leaders aren't giving you what you ask for, ask why this might be. But not from your perspective. Imagine instead, a senior leader's reality:
Limited resources that need to stretch across every department.
Constant pressure to increase revenue, reduce costs, and satisfy customers.
Technology shifts, economic forces, and competitors that are continuously evolving and require attention.
As a senior leader, your job is to make the best decisions possible for the company to survive and thrive. At the highest level, you are responsible for the success or failure of the business. It falls on your shoulders.
In the midst of this high-pressure role, leaders can't make decisions based on gut feelings or anecdotes. Sure, they care about people development, but if the company can't keep the lights on, development is irrelevant.
So, when L&D shows up with requests for an LMS or more headcount, but without connecting those asks to the most pressing business challenges and initiatives, senior leaders have little reason to listen.
Now imagine L&D showing up differently:
With an understanding of revenue drivers, expense challenges, and strategic initiatives.
With insights into the performance blockers standing in the way.
With data, projections, and proposed solutions that tie directly to business outcomes.
That conversation isn’t about convincing. It’s about partnership.
Change Takes Time
When it comes to getting to the bottom of stakeholder requests for training, yes, you will likely need to ask different questions. But it's also not that simple.
I've talked to L&D professionals who are determined to start tying all of their projects to business goals. They are fired up about finding the root cause issues so as not to waste time and resources. So, they walk into their next meeting with a stakeholder armed with a new approach. But it doesn't work. The stakeholder looks confused and shuts down the new questions. In its most dramatic form, that can sound like this, "Why are you asking me all these questions. I just need you to create the training. Isn't that what you do?"
Moving from order-taker to strategic business partner isn't just a process shift. It isn't about asking different questions. It's about changing the mindsets and unwritten rules about how the business works with us. To make it even more complex, many of our stakeholders don't see a need for this change. From their perspective, the old way works just fine. Thus, their confusion.
We've jumped too far ahead. We have new and different rules in mind, but we haven't brought them along. We may be well on the journey to change our approach in our own heads, but our stakeholders are still back at the starting line.
We need to start at the same place, the same starting line, where our stakeholders stand and bring them along. We might say something like: "We're making some changes in L&D to more effectively solve your business challenges and help you to drive business goals. That means I'm going to ask some different questions than I've asked in the past. They may seem strange, but stay with me. I want to ensure we solve the right problems together."
Even after this qualifier, stakeholders may still resist. Don't dismay! You have just defined your starting point more clearly. Take the order, but do something differently within it to show that you can make a bigger impact. Add measurement, add unexpected value, or build with scalability in mind. Crack the door to show what's possible.
Bottom Line
This work isn’t about us. It’s not about winning arguments or asking the perfect question.
It’s about empathy, alignment, and patience. It’s about shepherding a change process one conversation, one project, and one success at a time.
When we stop obsessing over why stakeholders don’t pay attention to us, and start obsessing over what matters most to them, the partnership shifts.
Stop arguing. Stop convincing. Start understanding.
